I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
