I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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