it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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