its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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