I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
