I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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