We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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