I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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