even my farts smell like vagina
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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