weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
