I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
