can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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