I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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