He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
