Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
