I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
