I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
