A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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