Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
