The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
