I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
