The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
