I never want to see another naked old woman again.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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