So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I touched a dick in church today
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
