This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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