I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
