I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
