oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
