I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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