Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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