i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
