I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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