He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize