this beer tastes like vomit already
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
