No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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