Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You are a genius and a whore.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
