i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
