I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
