I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
