The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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