Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
