The maid of honor just puked.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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