Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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