I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Come on in and take your pants off
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