You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
