Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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