i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
