Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
