Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
