I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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