are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
