Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
