Pappa wants mamma naked
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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