My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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