I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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