he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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