She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
