Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize