in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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