we have pet lesbian snakes
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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