also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize