i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
