I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
