thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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