The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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