I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
