Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
