Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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